During our last phone conversation, my mom and I were talking about Butters' hearing loss but that despite those difficulties, we are grateful that he is doing well. Specifically, we got onto the topics of why certain things happen to certain people, why some people who are so cruel seem to do well in life, and the question I had often asked myself over the past several months, "How can some women purposely do everything wrong during their pregnancy - drink, smoke, etc. end up with perfectly healthy babies, and I tried to do everything right and my baby ended up in the NICU?" I needed to talk to someone about the overwhelming anger I was holding onto. All of my friends and family are in South Carolina and there are definitely not many mothers around my neighborhood - or within a hundred mile radius - that I could talk to about what's going on with my son. Maybe that's been part of the problem too - the isolation.
My mom's response to all of my above referenced questions was simply, "Why not, me?" I was a bit confused so she continued to explain that this could have happened to anyone. Why shouldn't it happen or not happen to me - or anybody else. There are simply things that happen to us that are beyond our control. The universe doesn't give a rat's rump whether we're nice or mean.
This has been the question I've been asking:
"My child was born with hearing loss, why did this happen to me and to him?"
Now, I'm asking this question:
"Why shouldn't it happen to me, and what am I supposed to do about this situation?"
Butters was given to us for a reason. I don't know what that reason is yet, but I will find out in the end. But the very first step is letting go. Letting go of all the preconceived notions of how your life is supposed to be. Life simply happens to you.
I'm overjoyed that Butters happened to us. I have learned more from him in just five months than from all of the experiences life has thrown at me in 37 years.
No comments:
Post a Comment