Fuzzy Socks for the Soul

I am here by myself.  Hubby got called in to work - yes, on a Sunday afternoon.  Butters is taking his nap, thank the Good Lord.  He has been super cranky today and I have finally gotten the chance to let myself decompress with some late afternoon coffee and chocolate.  I am thinking about tomorrow's third hearing booth test and first meeting with the new speech pathologist and another audiologist who may end up being part of Butters' cochlear implant team.  And despite the warmer temps today in the low 70's, I feel as if I have been encased inside an iceberg.  I got my fuzzy socks, but now I'm wondering if I need them for my soul.

Butters had his physical therapy evaluation and they found him to be one month behind.  I actually did not freak out about this because it could have been much worse.  She pretty much summed up what I already knew - he needs a little more work in sitting up since he can't quite straighten that back all the way yet.  She said he also does "commando crawling," meaning, he is pulling along the floor with his hands and not completely bending and using his knees.  All I can say is that he seems to be moving pretty damn well since I am chasing after him all around the house.

Life right now is swirling around with audiologist appointments, auditory verbal therapy, now physical therapy and speech, handling insurance stuff, learning about rare vestibular disorders, dealing with a terminally ill father.  And I don't have the luxury to take a few days for a smallish nervous breakdown.

In the midst of all this I am able to stop my brain and body, if only for a moment, and remind myself  that it is important to be thankful.  My life has much more meaning today than ever before.

But it doesn't mean that I don't have my moments where I am terribly sad for my child.   

Things could be worse.   This is what I tell myself every day. This is what I have been saying after many appointments with specialists when we find out about some new "issue."  This is what helps me.  It might sound depressing to some people - okay, many people - but I don't intend for it to.  I think we all have something we tell ourselves to get through hard times.  We all do things to help us get through the day.  

Today, I am getting through the day by thinking about how far Butters has come, how he is so lucky to be a candidate for cochlear implants, and what a happy little fellow he is.  Maybe he is the pair of fuzzy socks for my soul!