Butters (Bud, as we are calling him now since he's a little boy), got his left ear activated today. I so wish I could be all fuzzy bunnies and happy butterflies about it like I was with his first ear. But I can't. His left implant sits a little too low causing very little room for his processor to sit without potentially causing friction at the bottom of the implant site which could potentially cause a sore, thus leading to another f*&^5* (pardon me) surgery.
We have only consulted with our audiologist on this as she was the one who pointed this out to us today. We meet with our ENT/surgeon next week, to find out what he thinks. He had forewarned us before that due to Bud's cochlear malformations, there was a chance that this implant would not be aligned with his first. He didn't seem to think that any huge problems would result from this. Our visit with our audiologist today has me wondering otherwise. I asked her if a revision surgery would be needed regardless of whether a sore erupted or not and she seemed to think that it might.
I just need answers. And I'm tired. And I don't want my child to have to undergo another surgery if he doesn't need to. And I'm just sick of all of this. And I'm sick of trying to act like everything is fine. I'm tired. But most of all, I'm tired of all the ups and downs. I had found a place in the road that I was becoming accustomed to, and now that road has been blocked off.
This was my breaking point today. I have been battling the toddler tantrums feeling like I'm fending off a giant squid whenever I have to change his diapers. I have also been trying to help my parents make plans for the future since my father has been rapidly deteriorating in health. I thought I had regained my balance some after stumbling around for a few months trying to find some direction in all this. I'm lost again and I can't find my compass.
Update: Feeling slightly better (thank you, Merlot) and trying to remind myself that this too shall pass. He will have both of his ears even if another surgery is required. The very worst, possible situation is if I didn't have Bud at all.
I'm sorry to hear that! :( I sure hope that there won't have to be another surgery in your future.
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
HUGS to you! But glad the merlot helped. You are right, this too shall pass. God never sleeps!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that! Does Cochlear make clips for their processors? AB makes a clip that fits on their BTE processor, and with a longer cord you can wear the processor on your shirt collar...I would bet that as Bud grows (he has to if he is a bud, right?) the space between his implant and ear will increase and he will do fine... I hope that is the case!
ReplyDeleteYes! Thanks everyone! I think that we do have some other options as to how he can wear his processor. We are mostly waiting to meet with our ENT and surgeon to see what he says next week. So far, he's doing well with his second ear and it does not seem to bother him. We will see!
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