Mini Meltdown

No, not Butters, it was me.  Well, Butters had one too but it's an everyday occurrence for him - especially in the afternoons.  

So, I was trying to put Butters' hearing aids in and it didn't go as planned.  It didn't help that it was in the afternoon, but I had been gearing up all day and finally felt like I could do it. Good Lord!  I felt like I was starring in yet another sequel to the Exorcist.  My husband put them in for the first time yesterday morning.  It looked sort of easy enough.  It wasn't.  It's like trying to stick an object into a rattlesnake's ear - if it had one.

And can someone explain to me how they are supposed to wear them throughout the day when they drop off to sleep constantly or have screaming marathons that you swear can last for a solid week?

I realize that all these specialists have the right ideas, all the answers and good intentions, but you have to wonder if they truly understand what you're going through.  Do they struggle with a squirming baby yelling and spitting up as they try to stick a foreign object into his ears?  Yeah, easy as pie.

You see, I'm having to deal with change and transition again and I hate change.  I had eased into a routine with Butters and now everything has changed again.  I'm feeling that pit of anxiety in my stomach again when I hear him cry in the mornings because I know that now we have to deal with the hearing aids.  At some point, I'm going to have to struggle with him to get them in his ears.  On the surface it really just seems ridiculous.  Just put the friggin' things in his ears and be done with it.  Why is it so hard?

I know it takes practice and I fully intend on having him wear them as much as possible.  It's just that right now I'm struggling.  I'm trying to figure out how to work with an infant - an infant who has to have objects stuck into his ears, and I'm the mom who has to inflict this nuisance upon my child as he screams and gives me this horrible, pained look. 

But you can't change a lot of things, or maybe you can.  I know we will all get through this but sometimes it seems impossible.  It will probably seem like that a lot of days.  I get angry with myself because I know that things could be so much worse.  He's a NICU survivor.  We just have a tendency to focus on our own personal problems instead of looking at the bigger picture.

Keep thinking - tomorrow is another day.