There are those of us who worry and get anxious when there's lots of stuff going on and big things are about to happen.
And then there are those who deserve their own reality show. I feel like I could fit into this category lately. I have been stressed, forgetful, hoarding stuff a little more, spending a little more money than I should, stocking the fridge a lot, cleaning everything, checking a locked door after I just took the key out to lock it, going through about five canisters of Clorox wipes a week.
Butters' cochlear implant surgery on his right ear is tomorrow. We'll worry about the left one later this year. And I mean that in both the literal and figurative sense.
Maybe I have just been trying to use these behaviors as a diversion from what's really going to happen tomorrow. It really shouldn't be that much of a surprise. When my grandparents died, and when my father was sick in the hospital, I cleaned the house and cooked a huge pot of soup. Is this weird? Probably. But the alternative is to sit and think and worry about every possible thing that could go wrong. I still do this, but not as much if I keep busy.
We are very excited about the surgery tomorrow. This is Butters' best chance not only at hearing as much of his world as possible, but being able to fully participate in what the world has to offer. However, we have to worry about CSF leaks, how many electrodes will be able to fit into his smaller cochlea due to Mondini's, the possibility of infection, the thought of someone cutting behind my baby's ear and inserting an object that looks like something straight out of a sci-fi movie.
And of course, I worry that we will get there and they will find fluid behind his ear and the whole thing will be scrapped and moved back. We have been waiting and preparing for this for so long and it's finally here. We just want to get this thing done!
I am trying to load up my Kindle and I think I am even going to bring along some embroidery. Something to keep my hands moving, or else my husband will get irritated by my constant foot swinging that I unconsciously do whether I am nervous or not - but more when I am nervous.
Butters will do great, I think, with a speedy recovery back to his crawling, crusing, and house plant ravaging. I think this is going to be a great new beginning for him filled with new experiences and sounds.
He is going to be okay.
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